Your comments are so sweet, they always make me happy. But when I read them just after fail, then I feel horrible. I feel like I've let you down.
Yesterday (when I was so happy that I was 70.0 kg), 20 o'clock, I ate potatoes and cake (with CARAMEL and CHOCOLATE) WHERE THE HELL IS MY BRAIN?
And I was planning to go running, but I didn't! After eating 1000+ cals I just watch TV, I know I fucking deserve to be fat! Why why why I do this to myself?!? And today, I woke up I was 70.7! Yesterday morning the first thing what I taught was: "I'll never be over 70 kgs again" My life is pointless when I'm stuck in that disgusting body. There is a beautiful skinny girl inside me and I just don't let her out! I hate myself!
Okay, as you see I'm little bit upset.
Today is a hell too. I've eaten so much that I feel bloated. Yesterday my mum ate candies and zephyrs and she gave them to me too, and I ate and ate and ate and after that I yelled at her that she has fed me fat. She said that it's my fault. And yes, it is my fault too, but...
After that I cried. I cried because I'm fat, my marks aren't as good as they used to be, I fail all the time, boys don't even look at me, I don't fit into clothes what I want to wear, I have three huge rolls on my stomach when I sit... I put on my swimsuit and looked myself in the mirror. I realized that nobody in my class have so big thighs and I have a cellulite. So I cried some more.
I don't want to even watch any thinspo pictures, because then I will feel even more weak and sad.
3 comments:
they way you describe yourself sounds exactly like my body and how i feel, I can relate. but just step back up to the plate thats what I do. the worse I feel that day, the harder it makes me work the next. I know you can do it!
think thin! :)
sweetheart no! don't be upset! "try & fail, but don't fail to try" it doesn't matter how many times you fall down as long as you get back up again. are my uber cheezy quotes making you smile yet? :] you do not have too much weight to lose at all, & you are doing brilliantly, so don't beat up on yourself. i will not accept it. xx
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