Thank you & jeans thinspiration!

I was pretty shocked, when I saw that Lemons (Ana, are you there?) had gave me Sunshine award!! It was the sweetest thing in this day :) She was the first one I followed. She listened (my e-mails) when I didn't had nobody else to talk. She answered and made my day with that. Even if we don't talk very often anymore, I feel like she supports me. She's strong and beautiful. This girl is my inspiration.

Also I'd like to thank Mini Me, the sweetest commentator ever! Your comments makes me always happy & stronger! And with her I'm not the only one, who uses kilograms.

Sunshine award: If you recieved an award, you also have to nominate 5 bloggers on your blog and leave a link to me because I nominated you. When you give your nominations for the Sunshine Awards, you have to give a description of why you nominated them and have a link to the nominees' blogs. These are the rules of The Sunshine Awards (I didn't make them). 

Ninah, Pretty thin until summer http://prettythinsummer.blogspot.com/
She's from Germany and I was her first follower. She's like every other girl, and that's why I like her.

Mina Belle, Dreams to be Desired http://dreamstobedesired.blogspot.com
She was one of the first ones I followed. I've read every single post. She's so American, I know it may sound weird to you, but all this prom-stuff and American family-life is so interesting for me :D!

 Holly, Venus Perfection http://venusperfection.blogspot.com/
Super-inspiring. This, how she reached her goal... I want to feel it too (when you're happy with your body). One day I read her blog like for an hour, because her stories were so interesting.

Sarah, they buzz like blue children http://bluechildren.blogspot.com
This girl writes so often that it's crazy! And I love it! It keeps me away from eating.

Meg, Dream thin http://daydreamer416.blogspot.com/

Sweet girl and I love her celebrity thinspirations.

what 69.6?

Hi lovelies!

Remember that awful day I had... Well as you said, I did better on the next day. I had like 150 cals. I was super tired and went to sleep like at 19 o'clock (haha, I never know when it's a.m or p.m, we use 24-hour clock).

So after 10 hours sleeping I was 69.6. I couldn't believe it at all. On the scale. Off the scale. On the scale. Still 69.6. I was like... Umm.. okay, what just happened (I haven't been under 70 for two years!!!). Then I was happy all day and managed to drink only tea & diet cola (I absolutely LOVE it, what's wrong with me). And then came evening... And then came pizza... And then I ate like pizza-pig. But I still stayed under 500 cal I hope. 

And yesterday... oh. It's so easy to not eat at school. But when I reach home, then I'll become a monster. So I had a super delicious pie what I made (but it was with champignones so I hope there wasn't very much calories). And the good thing was I went to jogging after this. 

I feel so powerful, when I haven't eat. You know that feeling - you control everything. I love it. 

So why I ruin it all the time?

Oh, and do you know that feeling too, when you have fasted, and then you eat, and then your stomach will hurt so much? I kind of like it, it's like a punishment for eating. 

 One question: How many calories are in mushrooms? I can't find it anywhere. And how many calories are in this grass what grows under water? (I hate my English right now :D, but I hope you understand what I mean).

FAILURE

Your comments are so sweet, they always make me happy. But when I read them just after fail, then I feel horrible. I feel like I've let you down. 

Yesterday (when I was so happy that I was 70.0 kg), 20 o'clock, I ate potatoes and cake (with CARAMEL and CHOCOLATE) WHERE THE HELL IS MY BRAIN? 

And I was planning to go running, but I didn't! After eating 1000+ cals I just watch TV, I know I fucking deserve to be fat! Why why why I do this to myself?!? And today, I woke up I was 70.7! Yesterday morning the first thing what I taught was: "I'll never be over 70 kgs again" My life is pointless when I'm stuck in that disgusting body. There is a beautiful skinny girl inside me and I just don't let her out! I hate myself!

Okay, as you see I'm little bit upset. 

Today is a hell too. I've eaten so much that I feel bloated. Yesterday my mum ate candies and zephyrs and she gave them to me too, and I ate and ate and ate and after that I yelled at her that she has fed me fat. She said that it's my fault. And yes, it is my fault too, but... 

After that I cried. I cried because I'm fat, my marks aren't as good as they used to be, I fail all the time, boys don't even look at me, I don't fit into clothes what I want to wear, I have three huge rolls on my stomach when I sit... I put on my swimsuit and looked myself in the mirror. I realized that nobody in my class have so big thighs and I have a cellulite. So I cried some more. 

I don't want to even watch any thinspo pictures, because then I will feel even more weak and sad. 

I've fell down and I can't get up.

Coffee

Just came from school. I've eaten about 300 cals today, I hope that I won't eat more.

Good news, I'm finally 70.0!!!

I have to keep it that way and lose more.

You girls keep me going: Raaawr., ccoutlon, xoktqtx3, Kajsa Mooore, Sun-Lit~, Anastasia, Sphinx's sister, If Life Gives You Lemons, Don't Eat Them, sarah, Bl33ding Truth, becky, Ninah and Pretty Thin, thank you!

My next goal is 65 kg. I lose weight so slowly... I've got a list in my phone where are my 'treats' for losing weight. 

There are: 

70-special hair conditioner

69-mascara

68-tank top

67-leggings

66-book

65-bikinis

These are the only things I buy. And I have to be under that weight, like when I'm 69.9 kg then I may buy conditioner. When I reach my final goal, 60 kg, then I'll buy lots of new clothes. 

Have you done this kind of lists? Do they work for you?

I have so much homework to do but I'd rather go out, sleep or watch tv... 

What do you think of laxatives? I've tried them once, and I don't recommend them to anyone. 

And... Does the diet pills really work?

Stay strong ladies! (specially the MNF girls)

Vintage/black&white thinspo, I loooove the last one, Sandra from "Grease".

hmm

Hellohello!

Yesterday was amazing! 

I went to a cafe where were like thousand cakes and muffins and only thing I took was a coffee with sugar substitute! And later I went to my friend's home, her father had made a cake what looked delicccciioousss... and I didn't take a piece of it! 

Okay, one time when I got super tired I ate a piece of pickled cucumber what was about 5 cals. 

Whole day I drank Cocacola zero and tea and that one cup of coffee. 

This morning I was 70.2 kg.(gggrrhh it is so large number). Still not 70.0. 

But today:  small piece of pound cake for breakfast - 70 cals

one pickled cucumber - 5 cals

one piece of dark chocolate - 20 cals

seven pieces of dried pineapple - 100 cals (I really have to stop eating these)

two cups of coffee (with milk) - 50 cals

and tea. 

245 cals. Not bad.

Stay strong!

I love you girls!!!

Ripped jeans thinspo today! I'm in love with the second picture. 

EDIT: Gosh, my family just bring McDonald's food... I'm chewing gum and dieing. I won't eat it. I know I won't. So I came here and changed blog's layout, how do you like it? I think it's cute, but maybe are these strawberries little bit annoying. What do you think?

feeling bad

 Hey darlings

I just came from school.

Today: 

Small breakfast - 100 cal

Apple at school - 60 cal

Bread - 100 cal

5 super small sushi rolls - 100 cal

Pretty good, huh? 

Here's more ;) ! Dried pineapple - 500 cal!

And ice cream!200 cal!

1060 cals 

I won't won't won't eat anymore. 

I won't eat until I'm 70.0 kg. I used to do so in summer, like, 'I will fast until some number'. I think it's better than 'I will fast until Monday' . And tomorrow is Saturday. It means weekend. Weekend=binging=I will stay big fat cow. Not very inspired today. See what food is doing with me? It makes me sad. It makes me hate myself. 

I'm going to clean my room and paint my nails. I hope you all feel better than me! 

Don't you think that these are the cutest thinspos :) ? 

Shorts

Hey, I've been good today, I ate small breakfast (about 150 cals) and drank tea and coffee. I feel inspired, maybe I'm going to fast tomorrow. 

Here's some short jeans thinspo, one of my favorites! 

 I love the first and the last. I wish...

What are your favorite thinspo pictures? 

As you know, I love happy people and tank tops thinspos.

Whats wrong with me?!

 I would love to say that I've been good girl, but I'll never lie in this blog... Okay, it's not that bad. I eat like I did before (when I was 75-76 kg)... it's easy to lose kilos, but it's hard to keep them down. The good thing is that I do lots of sports. Like yesterday - I had PE class, yoga and in the evening I went running. BUT STILL! Why do I keep eating when I know that I will feel like shit later? Food isn't satisfying anymore. I don't like it. It makes me fat. I hate it. Why I keep eating then?? Okay, I understand, that my body needs something, but why I can't just have salad and tea... No, Rose has to pick damn ice-cream.

Oh well. I will burn it off. I have so much to study, but this week I will choose to loose weight. Or not gain at least. 

Do you have any special thinspiration songs? 

I don't know why, but when I listen Kesha-Tik Tok, then I don't want to eat. I don't even like this song, but her voice sounds like "you-will-never-be-as-good-as-me". The video of "Telephone" (Gaga&B) is inspiring too.

To Lemons, author of Ana, are you there?
I'm so sorry that I haven't write in ages. But I write this blog, so you always know how I'm doing (and I read your blog too). You are the only one (here) who knows so much something about me. One day I was going to write to you, but I was so tired that I fell asleep, and I saw a dream in English! Then I taught that's it, too much English in my life :D 
Isn't that weird that someone from the other side of the world cares about you?
Stay strong & beautiful!

Show me you can run until you drop and I will give you a cute ass

  Hey darlings, I just came from jogging. Thanks to Minime! I tried Berocca, and it works for me! I am very thankful to you! 

Okay today was good, but yesterday wasn't. I ate whole liter of ice-cream to show to my aunt, that I DO eat something. Every weekend is the same thing, I just lose control. 

I hate weekends! There is no routine. 

Well, really I don't hate weekends. I had fun too. Two totally hot guys asked my number (but I don't think that they will call...) and I met my good friend (last I saw him two months ago). 

I'm quite tired and I feel that I can't speak English at all :P Please correct me, when I write something totally wrong.

Next week I'm going to run every day for 30 minutes. Plus two yoga trainings what I have. And two PE classes. 

What exercises burn most calories?
Or what do you recommend?

Those will be my legs...

Yesterday I ate like a cow. 

I tried to make this up, I forced myself to go to gym, and later I went to sauna. 

And this morning I was 70.3!! 

OMG... it's only one kilo to 69. 

BUT... It's Easter time.. and my mum made this special Easter food, which contains curd, whipped cream, sugar and dried fruit. So. not very YAY.

Also, my father bring Cadbury's chocolates from England... You can't get them from here. So last night it went to sleep, thinking, that when I wake up and I'm under 70.6 then I may eat those candies. And I was 70.3........................... I ate 6. 6. Six! Chocolates. One was with liquid caramel.. and one was with egg liqueur...

I'm sad because my breakfast was like 600-700 cal. 

But today is a holiday (Good Friday) and I'm going to countryside. So rest of the day I'm gonna only drink diet cola. 

And I discovered amazing thing - sugar substitute (0,02 cal) ! I can finally drink my favorite - sweet black tea with milk. 

I also have my favorite milk - contains 30 cal. (0,05% fat)

And tea anyway don't have calories. 

And yesterday I drank energy drink, which was only 2 cal. And it helped. I mean, I wasn't too tired to go to gym (usually I am). 

EDIT: Yesterday, when my dad arrived, and we hugged, then he asked me: "You are much smaller, have you lost weight?" (inside I was so happy that I wanted to cry)

What do you think about sugar substitutes?

Or energy drinks?