no inspiration for me anymore

Hi, I've been away for some time. 

You know what?

I do not have an inspiration anymore. 

I looked thinspo for an hour, and nothing. 

I could go to kitchen and eat everything. 

Help me, or I will be again like I was. 

Or... 

I already are. 

Fat. Nobody wants me anymore. 

I'll be like this .

Help!

Please give me something what would inspire me again! Say something to me...

Don't say I'm beautiful, don't say that I always have tomorrow, no, I don't! I live right now, here, and I'm FAT.

su su sssummer

Hello girls!!

I haven't wrote in uuhh.. hundred years. I just wanted to say that I'm not dead or something. It's just a very busy time for me. My summer has just started, school is finally over and summer here is so super short so I try to enjoy it. When I go to high school (only two months!)  I'll not going to be the fat one sitting alone in front of the blackboard. I will be pretty and thin hanging around in my size XS Levi's jeans (what I just bought for inspiration).

In high school:

1. Good marks 2. Social life 3. Enough sleep

... you can only pick two, haha.

Dear Fronki,
you seem to be a girl just like me! I would love to write to each other and stuff, but as you saw, in the summer I'm quite busy... 
I would love to follow and comment your blog!
Lots of sunshine,
Rose

Should I do some photos of myself before I go to my summer home? And then I could compare like 'before and after' ?

I hope you all enjoy the summer and lose much more weight than me!

fatty's back

Hey pretty girls, 

I just ate an ice-cream, and for punishment I have to look tons of thinspo pictures. I will never look like those girls, because I can't keep my hands off of the damn ice-cream. It doesn't even taste so good. 

Once again... whyyy I do this to myself? I already ate a healthy breakfast, I don't need more.

Ugh, hello there fat pig in the mirror :) 

Faith is getting better, so it's time for me to worry more about myself and summer!

Tatiana! Hi, you seem to be a very cute person! Do you have a blog (here in Blogger)? 

Thank you for commenting :) and I'm always interested in ANY tips, sometimes they help a lot. 

I wish I would be a thinspiration girl one day!

Low...

Hey girls.

Not so good today. 

I go like: up and down very up and super down. 

Today I hate myself. I think I will fast next week, and I also think that I won't fail. 

Short post today...

Today's thinspiration are of popular/beautiful/skinny girls. Everybody knows them - they are always pretty and they get all the boys. Sometimes you just hate them.. or get jealous. I've never been like this, but I would like to know what it feels like (to be popular and stuff).

The first picture (girl in yellow top) was my first thinspiration picture ever. 

Hi girls.

I'm still alive. 

I fasted for two days, and after that I ate for two days. Nonstop. I haven't got much to say... 

I've missed this blog and my dear followers, but when I've gained weight, even if I feel full or I've eaten something, I feel like I don't deserve to be here. 

Past these days I've been between 69.3...71.5 kg. When I'm over 70 I feel so sad and fat. I eat things I don't even like! I kind of forget how good it feels to lose weight. 

I HATE WEEKENDS ! !

Oh... I will never leave this blog or you guys... I try to write every day (it's good for my English too (: ).

I will never forget how good thin feels. 

Btw, I saw a pair of AMAZING white ripped jeans... They were sooooo pretty, but there was only size XXS, XS and S. Should I buy one pair for inspiration?

Different thinspo this time...

One day we can have a candy like this... Inspirational, isn't it :D?

bad day

Hi girls..

I've felt like shit last two days...

I'm very stressed. 

M, stress-eating. 

So much pressure. 

I have a headache, my stomach is hurting (after eating, but I still eat) and I feel like vomiting.

I hope I'll be still under 70 for the end of the week. 

I've said it before, I'm the fattest in our class. These are the girls from my class. Left one is 17-year old, right one 16-year old. It's not the prettiest picture, usually TheLeftOne dresses up very stylishly. But you still can see the difference... I mean, I'm 70 kilos, they're like 50 kilos.

I wish I looked like that:  

And then I could go to my ex-bf and be like: "Don't you regret now, honey?"

I love you,

Be strong!

FAILURE

Your comments are so sweet, they always make me happy. But when I read them just after fail, then I feel horrible. I feel like I've let you down. 

Yesterday (when I was so happy that I was 70.0 kg), 20 o'clock, I ate potatoes and cake (with CARAMEL and CHOCOLATE) WHERE THE HELL IS MY BRAIN? 

And I was planning to go running, but I didn't! After eating 1000+ cals I just watch TV, I know I fucking deserve to be fat! Why why why I do this to myself?!? And today, I woke up I was 70.7! Yesterday morning the first thing what I taught was: "I'll never be over 70 kgs again" My life is pointless when I'm stuck in that disgusting body. There is a beautiful skinny girl inside me and I just don't let her out! I hate myself!

Okay, as you see I'm little bit upset. 

Today is a hell too. I've eaten so much that I feel bloated. Yesterday my mum ate candies and zephyrs and she gave them to me too, and I ate and ate and ate and after that I yelled at her that she has fed me fat. She said that it's my fault. And yes, it is my fault too, but... 

After that I cried. I cried because I'm fat, my marks aren't as good as they used to be, I fail all the time, boys don't even look at me, I don't fit into clothes what I want to wear, I have three huge rolls on my stomach when I sit... I put on my swimsuit and looked myself in the mirror. I realized that nobody in my class have so big thighs and I have a cellulite. So I cried some more. 

I don't want to even watch any thinspo pictures, because then I will feel even more weak and sad. 

I've fell down and I can't get up.

feeling bad

 Hey darlings

I just came from school.

Today: 

Small breakfast - 100 cal

Apple at school - 60 cal

Bread - 100 cal

5 super small sushi rolls - 100 cal

Pretty good, huh? 

Here's more ;) ! Dried pineapple - 500 cal!

And ice cream!200 cal!

1060 cals 

I won't won't won't eat anymore. 

I won't eat until I'm 70.0 kg. I used to do so in summer, like, 'I will fast until some number'. I think it's better than 'I will fast until Monday' . And tomorrow is Saturday. It means weekend. Weekend=binging=I will stay big fat cow. Not very inspired today. See what food is doing with me? It makes me sad. It makes me hate myself. 

I'm going to clean my room and paint my nails. I hope you all feel better than me! 

Don't you think that these are the cutest thinspos :) ? 

Whats wrong with me?!

 I would love to say that I've been good girl, but I'll never lie in this blog... Okay, it's not that bad. I eat like I did before (when I was 75-76 kg)... it's easy to lose kilos, but it's hard to keep them down. The good thing is that I do lots of sports. Like yesterday - I had PE class, yoga and in the evening I went running. BUT STILL! Why do I keep eating when I know that I will feel like shit later? Food isn't satisfying anymore. I don't like it. It makes me fat. I hate it. Why I keep eating then?? Okay, I understand, that my body needs something, but why I can't just have salad and tea... No, Rose has to pick damn ice-cream.

Oh well. I will burn it off. I have so much to study, but this week I will choose to loose weight. Or not gain at least. 

Do you have any special thinspiration songs? 

I don't know why, but when I listen Kesha-Tik Tok, then I don't want to eat. I don't even like this song, but her voice sounds like "you-will-never-be-as-good-as-me". The video of "Telephone" (Gaga&B) is inspiring too.

To Lemons, author of Ana, are you there?
I'm so sorry that I haven't write in ages. But I write this blog, so you always know how I'm doing (and I read your blog too). You are the only one (here) who knows so much something about me. One day I was going to write to you, but I was so tired that I fell asleep, and I saw a dream in English! Then I taught that's it, too much English in my life :D 
Isn't that weird that someone from the other side of the world cares about you?
Stay strong & beautiful!

Yesterday I ate like a cow. 

I tried to make this up, I forced myself to go to gym, and later I went to sauna. 

And this morning I was 70.3!! 

OMG... it's only one kilo to 69. 

BUT... It's Easter time.. and my mum made this special Easter food, which contains curd, whipped cream, sugar and dried fruit. So. not very YAY.

Also, my father bring Cadbury's chocolates from England... You can't get them from here. So last night it went to sleep, thinking, that when I wake up and I'm under 70.6 then I may eat those candies. And I was 70.3........................... I ate 6. 6. Six! Chocolates. One was with liquid caramel.. and one was with egg liqueur...

I'm sad because my breakfast was like 600-700 cal. 

But today is a holiday (Good Friday) and I'm going to countryside. So rest of the day I'm gonna only drink diet cola. 

And I discovered amazing thing - sugar substitute (0,02 cal) ! I can finally drink my favorite - sweet black tea with milk. 

I also have my favorite milk - contains 30 cal. (0,05% fat)

And tea anyway don't have calories. 

And yesterday I drank energy drink, which was only 2 cal. And it helped. I mean, I wasn't too tired to go to gym (usually I am). 

EDIT: Yesterday, when my dad arrived, and we hugged, then he asked me: "You are much smaller, have you lost weight?" (inside I was so happy that I wanted to cry)

What do you think about sugar substitutes?

Or energy drinks? 

So yesterday I wished I would be at least 70.9 this morning. 

And I was! 

..........celebrated it with binge

if I'm not going to be 70.something tomorrow morning then I will die. 

Oh God

Life hates me.

Food hates me. 

I hate me.

Fat loves me. 

I was doing pretty goo, day before yesterday I weighted 71.6 kg. Only 600 g to 71.0. Haha, guess what happened?! Yes! I ate everything what I saw! Kill me :) ! And then... I ate more! Yay! Somebody please take me to fucking never discovered island and leave me there.

F.u.c.k. Let's start again!