Brownies are evil

 Hola, 

what a lovely day.

Yesterday: 

a bowl of cereal with milk

3 small bananas

2 carrots

a slice of pineapple

...what else. Oh, a cup of tea. And coffee. 

+one hour dancing. 

As you see, yesterday was pretty good for me:) Healthy.

Today: 

a bowl of porridge with redcurrants

1 small banana

1 carrot

a handful of sliced cucumber

a cup of cocoa

I do not have my dancing class today, but luckily I have to read a book for school.

I am afraid of Thursday...then we will make brownies with my family...aah, brownies. Never made them, by the way. But I know that they taste good and make me fffat. Uh, it is just evil!

lost

Hellow,

last few days have been very stressful - full of studying and chocolate.

I don't really have anything to say, I'm kind of lost. I've lost my...goal. I don't know what I want. Where or what I want to be.

Well I know one thing - I want to be skinny. Not too skinny - skinny/curvy in a good way. Healthy.

Beauthiful.

You know what I have been thinking about? That all the rich people are skinny. Well, mostly. Why is it like that?

Ahh, and I would like to thank JLouise90 - who made me want to write again :) 

What happened?

Has anyone idea  where did the Ana, are you there? blog dissapeared? She wrote every.single.day. Is she okay?

Hey babes, I have gotten so fat that it disgusts me.

inspiration is back?

Today I went shopping for the first time over month. It's a long time for me without shopping. I was walking on the streets, alone, looking all the skinny girls. Usually I'm confident, doing my own business, having my goals and stuff. 

I bought some really nice clothes for myself. In the changing room I realized that... I'm not an ugly girl. My beauty is just under all this fat. I can't shine with this body, I need a new one. I wouldn't change anything in myself (except my too big nose, bad skin, yellow teeth, huge shoe size... ANYWAYS...) but my fat body. And this is the thing that I CAN change myself. Without all that fat what is covering me I would be pretty. Even for myself. I would be happy with myself. I know that. I would be 59 kgs of pure happyness :)

Also I found out what kind of music inspires me. Last three weeks I have been listening jazz and indie and you know, like, relaxing music. But what I need is: DISCO music. Then I think about dancing and confident girls dacing on the dance floor. 

What kind of music inspires you?

still no inspiration

no inspiration for me anymore

Hi, I've been away for some time. 

You know what?

I do not have an inspiration anymore. 

I looked thinspo for an hour, and nothing. 

I could go to kitchen and eat everything. 

Help me, or I will be again like I was. 

Or... 

I already are. 

Fat. Nobody wants me anymore. 

I'll be like this .

Help!

Please give me something what would inspire me again! Say something to me...

Don't say I'm beautiful, don't say that I always have tomorrow, no, I don't! I live right now, here, and I'm FAT.

smoke

No long post today, my entire body hurts because of the running yesterday. It was only ten minutes :p

I'm in a neutral mood. When I came from school  my mum was home, so I had to eat lunch with her. It was rice, cucumbers and coffee. For desert there was apples and one chocolate candy, I don't like apples, so I took one bite from the candy, and spitted it out because I realized what I was doing. Yay.

What do you think about smoking? Do you smoke? Love it/Hate it?

Coffee

Just arrived from school.

Made a coffee.

Ate few bites of carrot, it tasted weird and looked green so I throwed it away.

Discovered an egg white from the fridge. Ate few bites of that, until I found a little blood piece from it. Eww, how disgusting is that?!

The coffee was great.

School school school. The preliminary tests are coming. I'm pretty nervous about them.

Oh, I ran 2.1 kilometers (about 1.3 miles) today. 

My back is hurting so bad, last night I couldn't even sleep because of that.

I try so hard to not eat all the chocolate from the kitchen. I have to stay here, in my room, and not even think about the chocolate, cookies, candy and biscuit cake what are downstairs, waiting for me, so they could make me fatter. 

And... 

one picture of me, what I took about half minute ago.